“I always had a complicated relationship with my body, but after my genital herpes diagnosis, this relationship became even more complex. The diagnosis left me feeling “dirty,” ashamed, and undesirable. The obsessive/compulsive anxiety I felt from repeatedly checking my genitals for any visible outbreak was exhausting. I felt unsafe in my body. I felt unsafe to myself and to others. I felt like my body was a land mine, and I never knew when it would go off. Because of the way I contracted herpes (through an ex who assaulted me and cheated on me), there is immense trauma living in my body. Each time I get an outbreak (one, pimple-looking thing), I'm confronted with his ghost. I'm confronted with the fact that he lives inside of me and will forever. Almost 5 years later, and it's still somewhat painful. It’s the stigma of herpes that’s the worst. Since my diagnosis, I have worked on respecting my body, and demanding others respect it as well. I may not love my body, but I appreciate all that it does for me. It has gotten better… But I’m still trying to navigate how to live in a body haunted by trauma, stigma, and men.“