“I’ve had oral herpes for as long as I can remember, but two years ago my outbreaks worsened significantly; I went from getting three or four outbreaks a year to at least one or two a month. I have always felt alienated during cold sore outbreaks, but their constant recurrence has made my own body feel alien to me. I struggle with the physical and emotional distance during outbreaks, the absence of touch, and the guilt/fear about accidentally giving my herpes to someone else. During an outbreak, I feel dirty, contaminated, distant, and hopeless; every time a new cold sore appears immediately after an old one, I tend to take it out on my own body through anger, disgust, and even self-harm. I started taking antivirals, but found that the initial doses weren’t large or strong enough; I had to jump through hoop after hoop just to increase my dosage. Finding the right dosage has helped a lot because, although I still experience cold sore outbreaks, at least now I have the time to recuperate mentally in between them. Having access to these drugs, though, is a constant struggle with my insurance provider and pharmacy.“